I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
