and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
