is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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