There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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