I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
