Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize