ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
