we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
