you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
