she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
