My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
