in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
