i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize