She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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