God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
