Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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