Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
