i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
