Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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