would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
