oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
