We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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