She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
