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i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
