i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
