Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She bit a glass in half.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
