he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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