in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
