Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
