it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
