He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
