Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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