I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize