I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
