I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
