Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
