I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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