I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
