So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
