Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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