i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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