Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
