I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
