This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
