Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
