i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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