He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize