Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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