People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
