I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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