Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
