2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
