My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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