you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
