i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
