Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
