Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
