I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
