My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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