in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
