I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize