I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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