Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Randomize
