Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
