Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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