so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
