i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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