Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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