Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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