I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
