she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
