I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Less talking, more tequila
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
