I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
