so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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