Can i not drive my cunt home
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
