you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
