Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize