Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
