I just cut my nipple shaving
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
