Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
