She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
