no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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