I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
