I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
