is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
