bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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