They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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