...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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