____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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