Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize