when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
