did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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