Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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