Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
