can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize