Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize