So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
