As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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