when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
