Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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